Humans and Monsters
by Ellie Marsy
Summary: Bella kills for the first time and Jasper is there for her as she copes.


A/N: I'm back from the dead! I know it's been ages since I've posted a new story, and I really hope to post a lot of new ones soon.

I realize that I write a lot of Jasper Hurt/Comfort stories, but that's how I see Jasper's character. He's someone who has gone through a lot of pain, and is there for support when someone needs him. This one-shot isn't so much about Jasper and Bella's bond as it is about the nature of vampires and their thirst. It's not fluff, but I hope you'll enjoy the end. As always, read and review. :)

P.S. Wasn't Jasper awesome in Eclipse? :D I can't remember half of the scenes with Bella and Edward because he just stole the show for me.

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It was a quiet, calming night and Jasper would have enjoyed it under different circumstances. He followed the trail of Bella's scent deeper into the forest. He could feel her shock, guilt, and pain; but even stronger was the new smell flowing through her veins. There was a strange feeling of deja-vu as he approached the stream and found Bella perched on the edge, sitting with her knees pulled close to her body. It seemed ironic because countless times it had been Jasper hiding himself in the forest while his family would be coming to comfort him.

Bella had killed a human only a few hours ago. She was out hunting when Alice had seen a vision of her attacking. By the time they got to her, it was too late. Carlisle and Emmett were there to bury the body. Almost every one of the Cullens had tried to talk to her and assure her that it would be alright. Alice was with her for over an hour attempting to comfort her and Edward was almost frantic when Bella wouldn't respond to him. He finally begged Jasper to talk to her insisting that he would have the most understanding of her situation. Jasper could tell Edward blamed himself for not being there with her. All of Jasper's instincts told him not to go, that everything would be better if he stayed as far away as possible. Nevertheless, he agreed, for Edward's sake. Renesmee was at Charlie's house for the day and was supposed to come home, but Edward had called Jacob and told him to keep her there for the night.

Bella was sobbing tearlessly, and Jasper knew better than to influence her emotions at this moment. It sickened him that he felt a grim sense of satisfaction. Bella's near complete lack of temptation as a newborn seemed all too good to be true.

"Sucks, doesn't it?"

Bella turned her head weakly toward him and he glimpsed her deep red eyes. She turned away quickly. Jasper took a seat next to her and stared up at the sky. "It's a nice night."

"Jasper, why are you here?"

"Edward sent me."

"That's wonderful," she laughed humorlessly as a sob escaped her trembling lips.

"Are you okay?"

"Not really."

"Well... guess you're officially a vampire now," he smirked.

Bella glared at him. "Thank you. Thank you very much."

Jasper bit his lip and watched the water flow by. He always knew how to comfort in any other situation, but he didn't know if there was much comfort he could offer her at the moment.

"You know when I get even the slightest bit tempted; I try thinking of this person in the ugliest state possible. Physically."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "Used to drive Edward crazy when you were human and I'd be around you. I would imagine you as incredibly hideous." Bella finally smiled, though it faded quickly. "It didn't work for some people. Blood always smelled better to me in a midnight breeze."

"The guy was just taking a walk." She played with a stone on the ground while gripping her knees.

"So deep in the forest?"

"I used to do it." She looked at him with the sad smile he'd get when remembering his life as a human. She sighed. "I just fed. I was already getting ready to go back home. I thought I was full and content, but then... I caught this guy's scent. He looked thirty, possibly older. The scent was... It was too much. I couldn't control myself. What happened to me? I go to a school full of humans everyday? Why was this one guy enough to make me slip?"

"It was only a matter of time," Jasper replied bitterly. "It always seems more enticing when you're alone. It seems easier for both you and your prey. When I first started feeding off of animals, Alice wouldn't leave me for even a second. She still doesn't," he smiled fondly.

"How do you get past the guilt?"

"I don't. Then again, I've got a lot more guilt on my shoulders than you do." Bella's shoulders slumped and Jasper felt a stab of pain grip her. "But, hey. You know that annoying thing our siblings do when they cling so irritatingly close to you every hour of the day because they claim that it's 'for our own good'?" Jasper formed imaginary quotation marks in the air. "It does help, because I don't know where I'd be without them. Nobody's angry, nobody's disappointed in you. They all just wanna make sure you're okay."

"How's Edward?" He could tell she was trying to act normal while saying his name, but Jasper could feel her guilt.

"He's really worried about you. It should be him you're talking to right now; not me."

"I can't face him right now. I know I let part of him down."

Part of Jasper wanted to tell her that she was wrong, but there was something all too familiar with her pain. He was always terrified of feeling any hurt from Alice whenever he had slipped.

"You know, it's not like the same thing hasn't happened to Edward before."

Bella glared at him, her eyes flashing red as a low growl escaped her lips. "Oh yeah, then what about Renesmee? How is she going to react when she hears what I did?"

Jasper sighed. "I don't really know about that, but... I think the best you can do for her- for both of them now is show that you're strong enough to move past this."

Bella remained silent and continued to watch the stream flow by. Jasper shifted uncomfortably as her anger started to grow. The rock she had been toying with crumpled into dust in her hand.

"Bella this has happened to all of us. It's in our nature."

"To kill people?" she hissed.

"To desire," he attempted to remain calm for Bella's sake, without influencing her current state. "You have to face the fact that you are not a human anymore. You're a vampire, and you will get thirsty for blood. It was only a matter of time. You know sometimes it's that desire that makes me feel closest to human." Her anger eased slightly and she looked at Jasper with a confused expression to which he chuckled. "In a twisted, monstrous way, of course... My point is whether you're human or vampire, it'll be your nature to try to oppose yourself. Humans have to fight their own urges just like we do, and sometimes that can end in bloodshed as well."

"You're right. I'm not human anymore," she laughed darkly. "I feel a hundred percent monster right now."

"The last time I slipped, the thing that hurt the most wasn't that I took someone's life. It was the fact that I knew I had hurt Alice. I knew that I had caused her pain because I wasn't strong enough to fight my own urges. What does that make me? Human, or monster?" For the first time Bella looked at Jasper with a sudden sympathy. He eased as her anger faded away. "We all have a monstrous side and we all have a human side, and I don't think anyone can get rid of either one of them. We just have to deal with it. There's no saying that you won't slip again in the future?... And there's no saying that I won't either."

"Well... let's hope not," she laughed.

"Yeah," he laughed as well. He took her mood change as a sign and sent her calm emotions.

"Thanks. Guess I need that. You know, you've changed a lot, Jasper. I never thought you would grow to believe in a vampire's humanity. Let alone your own."

"Yeah, I'm still trying on that one," he smirked.

Bella smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. They sat in silence for a while. It would always be the same way with Alice whenever he had slipped. She always gave him the time he needed to collect himself and right when he needed her; she would be there.

Finally, he stood up. "Are you ready to come inside now?"

"Yeah, I am. Can you go ahead? I'll just be a few more minutes?"

He smiled reassuringly. "Well, I'll clear the house for you so you can be alone with Edward. It's much easier when you don't have to deal with the worried stares."

"Thank you, Jasper."

"It's gonna be alright, Bella."

He squeezed her shoulder and left her to collect herself. He continued through the forest toward the house but stopped when he felt a delicate hand reach out for his shoulder.

"I think you're doing just fine. In fact," Alice tiptoed and kissed his cheek softly, "you're doing great."


End file.
